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It’s the End of The World

And I feel fine! Dec. 21st, according to the Mayan calendar is supposed to herald the end of the world.1 Unless you are a regular on Doomsday Preppers, it’s hard to credit an alignment of planets with the end of the planet Earth. The fact that Honey Boo Boo is on TV is more a sign of the Apocalypse and we lived through a season of that (or 3 minutes, which ever you could stomach). But just in case I am wrong and Dec. 21st really is the end of life as we know it, I thought I should come up with a few ideas on…

How to spend your last day on Earth:

  1. Run up your credits cards as high as you can. It’s not like you will have to pay them off or worry about interest rates.
  2. Inappropriate behavior at a Strip Club. What are they going to do? Ban you for life?
  3. Eat nothing but fattening foods. Those clogged arteries have one day to get you and you won’t have to go out and buy ‘fat clothes’!
  4. Tear the tag off your mattress. The mattress police can’t get everybody in one day.
  5. Do not check your email. It’s not like they are going to expect a Reply.
  6. Paint your front door & garage doors Neon Purple or Hot Pink. For your Homeowners Association. Actually hire someone to do it & pay with a credit card.
  7. Book 10 non-refundable airline tickets to places you have no intention of going. For Dec 22nd.
  8. Buy your wife & girlfriend a REALLY expensive diamond ring… on credit. It’ll make them happy. You were thinking of them.
  9. Test drive a Ferrari. Don’t bring it back. Drive it real, real, real fast.
  10. Test drive a Lamborghini. Don’t bring it back. That Ferrari was never going to work for you in the long run.

Items to double check:

  1. Make sure the Strip Club is the appropriate sexual orientation. You don’t want to spend eternity with that mental picture in your head.
  2. Don’t buy the airline tickets from USairways. You’ll spend your last 24 hours fighting their web site to make the reservations.
  3. Be sure your wife & girlfriend don’t find out about the two rings. The next 24 hours will make the Apocalypse seem like a Hallmark moment.
  4. Don’t test drive the Ferrari and Lamborghini from the SAME dealership. Not returning the Ferrari may make them hesitant about letting you test the Lamborghini.
  5. Make sure you have your calendar turned to the right day.
  1. The Mayan Long Count calendar began in 3,114 B.C., marking time in roughly 394-year increments known as Baktuns. The Mayans wrote that the significant 13th Baktun ends Dec. 21. Charlotte Observer []
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