And I feel fine! Dec. 21st, according to the Mayan calendar is supposed to herald the end of the world.1 Unless you are a regular on Doomsday Preppers, it’s hard to credit an alignment of planets with the end of the planet Earth. The fact that Honey Boo Boo is on TV is more a sign of the Apocalypse and we lived through a season of that (or 3 minutes, which ever you could stomach). But just in case I am wrong and Dec. 21st really is the end of life as we know it, I thought I should come up with a few ideas on…
How to spend your last day on Earth:
- Run up your credits cards as high as you can. It’s not like you will have to pay them off or worry about interest rates.
- Inappropriate behavior at a Strip Club. What are they going to do? Ban you for life?
- Eat nothing but fattening foods. Those clogged arteries have one day to get you and you won’t have to go out and buy ‘fat clothes’!
- Tear the tag off your mattress. The mattress police can’t get everybody in one day.
- Do not check your email. It’s not like they are going to expect a Reply.
- Paint your front door & garage doors Neon Purple or Hot Pink. For your Homeowners Association. Actually hire someone to do it & pay with a credit card.
- Book 10 non-refundable airline tickets to places you have no intention of going. For Dec 22nd.
- Buy your wife & girlfriend a REALLY expensive diamond ring… on credit. It’ll make them happy. You were thinking of them.
- Test drive a Ferrari. Don’t bring it back. Drive it real, real, real fast.
- Test drive a Lamborghini. Don’t bring it back. That Ferrari was never going to work for you in the long run.
Items to double check:
- Make sure the Strip Club is the appropriate sexual orientation. You don’t want to spend eternity with that mental picture in your head.
- Don’t buy the airline tickets from USairways. You’ll spend your last 24 hours fighting their web site to make the reservations.
- Be sure your wife & girlfriend don’t find out about the two rings. The next 24 hours will make the Apocalypse seem like a Hallmark moment.
- Don’t test drive the Ferrari and Lamborghini from the SAME dealership. Not returning the Ferrari may make them hesitant about letting you test the Lamborghini.
- Make sure you have your calendar turned to the right day.